He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
