I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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