It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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