Are we in a gay sports bar?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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