dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
