You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
