you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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