Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
