I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
