Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
