your thong is hanging out like whoa
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
