sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
