Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
