i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
