Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize