So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
