yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize