i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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