Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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