dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you mean i was at the winter classic?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
