Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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