The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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