I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
