she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
