ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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