in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
