I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
