i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
nutella sex= disaster
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
