i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
