hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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