i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize