I'm going to jail i love you
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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