Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
