i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize