its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
it's like iHOP with fire
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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