why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
