I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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