i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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