I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
