my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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