The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
