I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
