i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
