Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
