guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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