Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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