I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
only you would photoshop your dick
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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