roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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