There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
