i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
