he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
