I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
