I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
