I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
