Pregnant stripper...not hot.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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