I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize