Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
