Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
