She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
