another moral hangover. fuck.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
