hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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