and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
