butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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