u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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