Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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