Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize