worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
